Charlottesville

Please excuse the two month hiatus I've had from blogging. A month long trip to Australia and buying a home are my excuses. Now for what led me back to writing.

Charlottesville. Shocking. It's truly difficult to read the articles and watch the videos of the car driving into the crowd. The responses from our nation's leaders and the commentary add to the chaos that ignited Saturday, August 12th. This will not be a summary of the events - there are news sources for that. The purpose of this post is not to discuss First Amendment rights or White Supremacy. The purpose of this will be to give dad's answer to it, as all things done here are.

How do I, as a dad, take in and process yesterday's events? How do I, as a dad, look at my growing family and see what I can do to protect them from this violence? How do I, as a dad,  make sure that none of my children grow up harboring such hatred? How do I, as a dad, take all of the facts, thoughts and repercussions of Charlottesville in stride and continue to grow my family with my wife into a home of love, a harbor of understanding and tolerance and a hearth of wellbeing?

I think we run the risk in this country of being satisfied with living, or thinking we have to live, "like good Americans" who stay in a cosy neat house with no problems and knowing only happiness. That is a caricature of a home. We have to have happiness and order in our home and when we have dominion over those things we can then spread these treasures amongst our neighborhoods and friends.

There are plenty of problems out in the world, poignantly Charlottesville's, but there are also plenty of problems in our own homes as well. Some problems in the world demand immediate attention and have time critical responses whereas others can wait and have to since their solutions are not readily apparent or require the ingredient of time. Our homes have similar types of problems and solutions. The lawn or garden may not need attention right now but delaying too long results in a jungle. Not doing the dishes tonight makes for an unpleasant morning. Leaky roofs urgently need to be fixed. Fights amongst family members, though, are the most detrimental to the integrity of the home.

Peace in family life is a wonderful thing. We all have fond memories in our lives of blissful family moments  - on either side of parenting - that stay with us and are what we work towards. Time teaches us that these moments do not simply just occur; they are sometimes years in the making and are fragile. Remember, this is a dad's perspective. I'm not being negative about family happiness. I am remarking on it. Years in the making because that's how long it takes everyone to get there. Or maybe the tree which was climbed took years to grow so big. Perhaps it took years for the dog to establish itself in the family's culture. Fragile because the happy breakfast moments can be disrupted by a phone call. A family member's absence doesn't reach the same potentiality as everyone gathered happily around the tree Christmas morning. A fight in the household threatens the peace and joy of everyone inside it and can change the sweetness to acridity.

What's to be done? The lawn can wait. The dishes should be done soon and the roof needs to be resolved as soon as possible. The fight. Stop the fight immediately. Resolve it. Acknowledge what was wrong. Do not let anyone harbor hatred towards another. Return the toy, glue the item back together. Apologize for what was done. Make amends and the commitment to not do it again. Sometimes these things take time. So, have the conversations. Help them understand others' points of view. Always make sure though that when under your roof they will follow your rules and work towards unity. 

I am not a politician. I am not a civil rights activist. You can see from my profile that I fly planes. None of those give me the qualification to write what I just have. Being a dad gives me the right and the authority to do so. Being a dad gives me the authority to right the wrongs in my home and make sure that everyone is living the way they are supposed to. Being a dad also gives me the responsibility to make sure that I have a happy, healthy and united family that is thriving in whatever stages of life it happens to be in.

How does this apply to Charlottesville? If you are a dad perhaps the explanation is not necessary. I see the two things being undeniably linked together. Dads need to harbor homes of peace, unity and love. Dads need to raise tough sons and daughters who are courageous, intelligent and tolerant of themselves and each other. Hope for the future is what I see in the youth of my family and the youth of the country. Dads have the responsibility and the great joy of cultivating it. What I see in Charlottesville and in other places around the country and the world are households where these things did not happen. I see too many sons and daughters of families who did not learn the lessons they should have when they were younger and now we have more hurt and death because of it.