A Dad’s Role is Love

A dad must provide. A dad must protect. Perhaps two of the more common answers when the question “What does a dad have to do?” is asked. Other answers are that a dad has to: educate, set examples of good behavior, create good emotional relationships with his children and just be there. All of these are great answers and are essential to the calling of fatherhood that many men respond to but I think there is something more essential and to the core of being a dad that these answers hint at. The first thing a dad has to do is to love.

The simplest way to summarize what dads must do is to say they must love. All other roles are subordinate to this one but they are also a fulfillment of love. Providing, protecting, teaching, inspiring, developing, educating, instilling value are all crucial things a dad does – expect individual blogs over the course of the next year on each one of these. All of those are things a dad does and therefore are a manifestation of dad’s love.

The usual definitions of love we find in the dictionary don’t suffice for this love we are talking about here. Merriam-Webster says love is a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Interestingly, the example they use is maternal love. This definition and example don’t get at the core of a man’s love. Yes, we dads do have strong affection for our children and wives but this doesn’t completely describe it. As an aside, I feel slighted that the example of love is maternal love. Not because I am sexist or chauvinist. Rather because collectively as a society we have somehow seen the love of a mom as superior to the love of a dad. It is not. The loves are different but equal. They are equal in magnitude and importance but unequal in their quality. A dad’s love is superior at being a dad’s love and mom’s love is superior at being mom’s love. Perhaps that’s just two cents worth of wisdom but that really does help clarify the relationship that a dad has with his children.

A dad’s love is relational to his children. In addition to the list previously mentioned dads can also change diapers, feed bottles, do the dishes and laundry, go to the spa with his daughters and have tea parties. While only the last two in the list are traditionally more feminine a dad can do all of them and still be providing a dad’s love because it comes from him. Even if a father were to cook the dinner in his wife’s apron step by step the way she does and mimic her entirely even by changing his voice to imitate hers he is still being a dad, not a mom.

Men are superior than women at being men. Inversely, women are superior than men at being women. Knowing this helps us gauge our expectation for what we should do as dads. We simply must give of ourselves until there is nothing left. Perhaps that is the best way to describe a dad’s love.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Dad from History: Georg von Trapp

Image
Georg von Trapp Today we look at the dad who is played by Christopher Plummer, and who seems reluctant to sing and dance while his children do it so well as Julie Andrews coaches them along. Well, it turns out there is more to this man than the musical shows us and he really lived quite an interesting life. It’s worth diving into and seeing how Captain von Trapp was as a man and a dad. Georg von Trapp was born April 4 th , 1880 in modern day Zadar, Croatia. His father, who was in the Austro-Hungarian navy was Fregattenkapitan August Trapp and his mother was Hedwig Trapp. Fregattenkapitan is a naval equivalent to the U.S. rank of Commander. Georg would follow in his father’s footsteps up to the rank of Korvettenkapitan which is equivalent to the U.S. rank of Lieutenant Commander. Zadar, Croatia - Georg's birthplace   After graduating from the Austro-Hungarian naval academy in 1898 Georg went on a two year follow-on voyage which took him to Australia. On his ret
Read more

Happy Mother's Day

Image
This is a special day indeed. Today we celebrate Mothers all over the world but especially the ones closest to us: the mother of our children, our own mother, our grandmothers, mother-in-laws and any women who were like mothers to us. Anna Jarvis (1864-1948) began the push for Mother's Day in 1908. By 1914 the second Sunday in May became an official holiday where mothers all around were typically presented with flowers, cards, gifts and affection from their loving children and husbands. The holiday has progressed and adapted as the society has evolved but the underlying love and appreciation for the woman we call "mom" has remained. As far as dads are concerned this is a great opportunity for our kids to see how we affectionately treat someone who is so important in our lives. We can also teach our sons how to love a special woman and we can show our daughters the admiration and gratitude they will deserve as mothers. To all the moms who make us dads, thank you and
Read more

Charlottesville

Image
Please excuse the two month hiatus I've had from blogging. A month long trip to Australia and buying a home are my excuses. Now for what led me back to writing. Charlottesville. Shocking. It's truly difficult to read the articles and watch the videos of the car driving into the crowd. The responses from our nation's leaders and the commentary add to the chaos that ignited Saturday, August 12th. This will not be a summary of the events - there are news sources for that. The purpose of this post is not to discuss First Amendment rights or White Supremacy. The purpose of this will be to give dad's answer to it, as all things done here are. How do I, as a dad, take in and process yesterday's events? How do I, as a dad, look at my growing family and see what I can do to protect them from this violence? How do I, as a dad,  make sure that none of my children grow up harboring such hatred? How do I, as a dad, take all of the facts, thoughts and repercussions of Char
Read more